ive looked up to you since i was young.
i told you (almost) everything there is to tell a relative.
i thought you understood. i thought you knew me.
you've always been like an older brother to me. especially since dan left in dec03.

was it even necessary for you to tell my sister?

sometimes we compare.
comparing is bad.

but why do we compare?
shouldnt we be satisfied.glad.thankful with what we have?

i am very thankful for the things i have in life.
and i am also very thankful for the things i dont have.
what kind of a person would i have become if i have the things i dont have? and if i dont have the things i have?

thank you.

today the doubleDs spoke. of things we hardly spoke about.
and it was good. :)

my ex classmate is going all emo on me now about how he cannot get over his ex gf and blahblahblahblahblahbh. and ive not really talked to him for quite some time. unless you count dinner weeks ago as alot of talking?

you know what? screw it! like what i/we said last week. i forgot who i met. but i remember saying the exact phrase twice in like the last month.

'screw it lah, fuck love!'

so you know what?? screw it!!!! fuck love! why get all emo! love suxXxxxXX. hhHhahaha.

i couldnt/cant sleep.
so i went to the store room and looked thru the old pictures. old meaning, like pictures from 1970++ all the way till like 2000.

why are things the way they are how?
how did we/you end up here?
what went wrong? what happened?
we/you looked so happy in the pictures. joy.
seeing them brought a smile to my face.
what went wrong? can things go back to the way they were before? what happened?
what happened in the past few years? is it a dream? (no!) no, a dream is the wrong word. is it a nightmare?
were things 'not ok' only in the past few years? or has it been a built up for decades?
did i actually believe that things were ok last time? or was i just living in my own happy bubble? did you all try to make things ok just because i was the baby of the family and you all wanted nothing but the best for me? but that doesnt give you all the right to change things overnight once im a teen.
whats with all the angst? and hatred? everyone makes mistakes right? shouldnt we overlook them and get on with life? shouldnt we learn to live with each others differences and accept each other for the way we are? why did we choose to live in the past? living in the past wont get us to the future. what future?

i am not in a i-hate-my-family mood. i love them. each and everyone of them.
and i am very thankful to have 3 siblings who spoilt me rotten when i was younger. you know sometimes i look back and i wish that you guys didnt spoil me? am i the way i am now becos ive always gotten what i wanted when i was younger? when i was younger, i thought it was my birth right to be spoilt. i wanted something. i got something. and now, i am 20. i have to realise and know that it is not my birth right to be spoilt. i am also very thankful to have 2parents who gave me almost everything i wanted when i was young.

Can we work it out
Can we be a family
I promise I'll be better
In our family portrait
We look pretty happy
We look pretty normal
Lets go back to that
In our family portrait
We look pretty happy
Lets play pretend, act like it
Goes naturally

so cliche. a song from pink.

and then i start to question myself. would i be happier if we played pretend?
what will be of us if we played pretend and acted like things were bright and happy and sunny and everythingnice. if you guys could act like things were ok when i was younger, why cant we continue the show? but then again, will i be happy? will you be happy? or are we happier this way?

im sorry ive not been the best daughter/sister/sister-inlaw/aunty for the past couple of years. give me some time. im trying. i want us to be happy again. i want us to be a happy family again. or maybe there shouldnt even be an again to begin with. becos, were we ever a happy family? how do you define a happy family?

i remember happy family moments.
and i miss them.

i bought a pair of shoe today! yay. this makes my friday a superduper happy one! hahahaa. hey ive not bought a pair in about a month ok! plus, ive been eyeing this pair for quite sometime. maybe for about a year? heh. and the stupid thing is i have the exact same pair in black. and i bought the red one today! whee!

i was just looking thru allll the old photo albums. actually not that old lah. like from 1999 all the way till now. 7 years! hahahha. i saw many funny pictures and edited pictures and couldnt help but laugh out loud!

i realised something really depressing thou, i was SOOOO skinny. as in like really skinny. i had collarbones, and i had skinny legs. and now? im like this fat cow. damn depressing i swear!! and i realised something else too!! everyone else was fatter years ago. im prolly the only person who put on so much weight after school. everyone is like thinner now. and im like the fattybombom.

whats a hospital visit without a picture??!!! =)

i can say this a thousand times. its really really hard to stay pissed with her.

i went to holland 2 weeks ago. i saw a dog. this dog was wearing bubble-berry leh!

sentosa! see tash being the ultimate grouch in the car..

alone. useless. lonely. clueless. stuck.

its been quite long since ive felt this way. actually its been quite long since ive actually felt. feel.

i cried from the aye all the way to parkview. and cried even more by the pool.
and the ironic thing is, i think i deserved it.
i had no one to call. i didnt know who to call. i still dont know who to call. and i dont think i have anyone to call. anyone to meet. and although i shouldnt be thinking about all the times ive been there for people who've called me crying and all.. i start to wonder, wheres everyone?

i hate feeling so down.
and its not even pms i swear.

i need to start to realise that the world doesnt revolve around me.
i am already 20.
it is not my birth right to be so spoilt.
everything cannot be going my way, on the highway.
20 year old girls are not cry babies.

SURIA will be showing your next sg idol s3!

Your Dosha is Pitta

You have a quick mind, a gift for persuasion, and a sharp sense of humor. You have both the drive and people skills to be a very successful leader. Argumentative and a bit stubborn, you have been known to be a little too set in your ways. But while you may be biased toward your own point of view, you are always honest, fair, and ethical. With friends: You are outgoing and open to anyone who might want to talk to you In love: You are picky but passionate To achieve more balance: Be less judgmental of those around you, and take cool walks in the moonlight.

What's Your Dosha?

hady looks like a downtoearth kinda guy. but he lacks the zai-ness that jonathan has. jonathan is abit too wannabe sometimes and he looks abit proud! but he is quite zai! but hady can sing better!

so, i called in twice to vote. one each. i am fair! hahahaa. not like my 1vote for each person will actually make a difference. you see, if lets say jonathan receives like 2345669 votes tonight. and then hady receives 2345059 votes tonight..... and if i didnt vote for them, jonathan will have 2345668 votes and hady will have 2345058 votes. in the end also jonathan win right or not????? so lame.

i dont like sundays. sundays makes me feel empty. lonely. sad. i think too much on sundays. i need to start doing something on sundays instead of sleeping till noon, watching dvds, watching stupid programmes on tv and... thinking too much.

i look back, i wonder why i did the things i did. i wonder why did i allow myself to do the things i did. i wonder why i didnt do the things im supposed to do. i wonder what could have happened if i did the things im supposed to do. i wonder whether i could have actually made a difference. is it too late now to want to make a difference? time and time again, i keep telling myself to appreciate the people around me. i am so thankful for all the people around me.

my nieces are growing up.. im so afraid that they will drift away from us as they grow older. but yesterday was good. tash is now quite stubborn and has her own views on different issues. kai is very stubborn, wants things her way all the time. spoilt brat!

i bought kai a jigsaw puzzle last week.
-passes kai the puzzle.-
d: what must you say?
k: thank you.
d: thank you who?
k: im watching tv ok.
d: dont be rude ok, i will take it back to the store.
k: take back lah!

you tell me, spoilt or not? and shes barely 4! dammit!
but kai is very smart. she knows how to 'manja' at the right time. thats why shes daddy's fav girl. we were on the luge rude yesterday. for some reason, kai didnt want to sit with her daddy. she wanted to sit with me. so as we were going down, she was like, 'faster aunty daph! lets go lets go!' and then when we got to the bottom, she turned around and gave me a bighug+kiss and said, 'that was fun aunty daph, can we do it again?' how not to love?? and in the car, she whispered something to my sis. and then my sis asked her to tell me herself. and then kai said, 'aunty daph, can you stay over more often? i had fun!'

danny's not coming back this year. :(

ok, better stop thinking so much.
i hate being emo.

we caught this show last night. go watch it. =) sweeeet.

Imagine me and you, I do
I think about you day and night, it's only right
To think about the girl you love and hold her tight
So happy together

If I should call you up, invest a dime
And you'd say you belong to me, I'd lose my mind
Imagine how the world could be so very fine
So happy together

I can't see me lovin' nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me, baby the skies will be blue
For all my life

Me and you, and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice, it had to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together

happy together.

i should really stop coming home early in the morning. its screwing up my sleeping hours!

but it was a good saturday! i met the people im supposed to meet. i saw the people i wanted to see. i watched the movie i wanted to watch. i caught/spoke to the people i wanted to speak to. =) =) =) good day!

i had enough beer today to last me for at least a month!!! googoooggoooo.
i had beer in the morning/afternoon at tanjong beach.
i had beer before our 1am movie at icb.
i had beer after our 1am movie at eastcoast.

YES! i went to the east!!!!!!

tanjong beach! games! beer! performances! sandcastles! more beer! luge!

yay! =)
waking up so early was worth it! had so much fun!

i saw someone who looked like someone i knew in nov. but its not the same someone. haha.

this morning on the way to sentosa, we called danny in the car and the 4 ladies in the car sang him a bday song! haha so cheesy! wanted to call him yesterday morning but then realised that it wasnt the 22nd yet in the states. i wanna go there! =(

my cramps are killing me.
agh. how to go to the beach tmr? cheebs!!

happy (21st *as if) birthday kor. =) please come back soon!! its been almost a year since ur last visit!

im going to tanjong beach on saturday! EARLY sat morning to be exact. we're leaving my sis's place at 8am!!!! who wakes up before noon on a saturday???!!!!!!



im gonna try to con my nieces to take this.
=)

monday!

i am a fan of reality shows.
but i am not a fan or reality.

not being a fan of reality is bad.

i think the muffins from conrad is so much nicer!!!! :( i stood in line for like 20 minutes ok. wahlao!!!

i havent watched a movie in ages!
i am SOOOO sua-ku ive not even caught the devil wears prada.. grr.

i stood in queue for about 20minutes just for $12 worth of muffins......

better be nice!

i laughed so much today. no monday blues. monday laughter. haha!
happy bday jina!

YAYY i finally ate prawn noodle!

the service at coffeeclub *orchard, next to califitness* is sooo bad! whatever happened to all the nice waiter/waitress that used to be there when we used to go there so often???!!!

i dig. you dig. everyone dig. joker lah you! and isnt the sciencecenter chop the cool-est?

tash, your pants very spice girls!

welcome to our humble home. isnt this so cute!

they said, she sells seashells on the seashore.

everything round.

outside looking in. inside looking out.

you know how tiring it was to cycle to generate a certain amount of energy for the video to come up???!!! haha.

mirrors. here, there and everywhere!

good evening sir, what would you like for dinner?

color me red.

the partnerincrimes got into the science center today for free!
the place hasnt really changed much. some stuff are really old. and some are not even working!!!! but they have cool new stuff. had fun with the girls too!

met miss.pod and had dinner! yummy dinner! but we got conned...................... hahaha. and then we went for drinks and went to con... (kidding!) supper at geylang (yo!) with miss.j-sy..... crabs~ i likey!

i want the pictures!!!

weekend is here again! yay!
im gonna be a scientist tomorrow! YAYY!!

the double Ds were at holland today with S!
you know whats irritating? at holland's breko, there is ONLY 4 smoking tables.
and so if you dont smoke, WHY ARE U SITTING WITHIN THE YELLOW BOX???? not one table you know, all 4 tables ok. very 'frustration'!!!!! so 'anger'!!!! i mean, HELLO THERE ARE HOW MANY EMPTY TABLES ALLLLL AROUND YOU PEOPLE OK!!!!!!!! and the ironic thing is, those that are NOT sitting within the yellow box are the smokers. so everytime they (we) want a smoke, we must stand up and walk to the side just for a cig... LOGIC OR NOT I ASK YOU??? if you dont smoke, dont f-ing occupy the tables doode!! HAYWIRE JO!!! selfish people!! if you're trying to make people NOT smoke, not working doode!!!!

i wanto EAT

prawn noodles from kimsengplaza.
frog porridge from geylang.
chilli&pepper crab (claws please) from geylang.
fu pi juan from crystal jade.
meesua from tangs.
fish soup from maxwell.
manjo juice from amoy.
cheechongfun from amoy.

FOOOODIE!!!!!!!!!!

i just got back from my sister's place!
my aunt and cousin went over for dinner.
why cant they do it on a friday!! grrrr.. spent like an hour plus playing boggle with my bro in law and cousin. i suck at it.. and the thing is, i totally forgot that you're supposed to look at the thing and try to 'connect' the words together. so the first round, u know what your clever friend did??!! she looked at the cube thingy, and copied down all the alphabets on the piece of paper and made up words just like that!! very clever hor!!!!!! and when i realised my mistake, i felt like a fool. haha. tash and i were a team! shes quite good at it. tash can spot like 5letteredwords so quickly! im quite amazed!

The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present.

i want my long hair back!!!!
these were taken about a year back. gosh, kai.. LOOK LIKEA MAN!!

DAPHNE LIM!!! YOU'RE SUCH A WUSS!!!!! I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU!!!!! YOU'RE HORRIBLE!!!!!!!! ONE SMS AND YOU SMILE LIKE AN IDIOT... SMACK YOU AH!!!!! NO HOPE LAH YOU!!!

12 beers shared between us girls, an ashtray filled with cigs.. lotsa 'confession' between the 2 new collegues...

:) sitting down, ordering beer after beer.. talking.. laughing and ummm, yes their confessions......... the confession....

my minnie on my phone is dying. its tearing :(

oh gosh, if what A says about coming back is true... its gonna be one hell of an alcohol-filled week(s) ahead. and frankly, im not really looking forward to it. i think im getting alcohol poisoning. ive been waking up in the middle of the night with freaking painful cramps. its not normal!!

the taxiuncle last nite was so funny. he went on and on telling us wheres the real good food in sg!

*last thursday.
*may 2004.

.same pair of glasses.

see what 2years++ does to a girl?

sat at my cousin's chalet!!
i cannot cycle to save my life! brakes also dunno how to use, must use feet. horrible!! even my niece, yes the one that u can seee her boobies.... can cycle better than me.. i cannot even turn without my feet on the ground!!

i want ribena........ with lotsa ice.

if there is one thing everyone in this world should learn, its punctuality.

2 nights ago, i dreamt that my sis, my mom and i were on board a ship. its like a club on the sea. there are different rooms. theres even a mini casino. and then suddenly we were dying! the water came rushing in. and somehow we managed to escape... we went into this room that looks like the pureroom in m0s. hahaha. and then..... the water came in again! and then i woke up cos i had the worst cramps ever. grr.

and last night, i dreamt that my sis, bro in law, dad, mom, the girls, nanny and i went to taiwan, or is it china? some cheena country lah ok. and then i was sitting alone on the plane. quite cool, the seats can turn around one. and when we reached, we were brought to this realllly sleazy dirty street. kai was in a stroller and she fell... and somehow we ended up at our relative's house. some really long apartment with weird looking windows.... and suddenly i had a 'new' uncle and cousin.

weird.

this is funny!

Can you name 21 people you can think of right off the top of your head? Dont read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 21 people. Ready, Start!

1. Wai
2. Cat
3. Kel
4. Denise
5. Elin
6. Beks
7. Eve
8. Alex
9. Lock
10. Crystal
11. Min
12. Ronny
13. Mel
14. Roy
15. Belle
16. Ed
17. Danny
18. Jon
19. Cain
20. Sera
21. Hazel

THE QUESTIONS:
How did you meet 14?
Back when i was underaged.. at the esplanade during the hair show. THIS BUGGER THOUGHT I WAS 20++. great! i was only 17!

What would you do if you never met 6?
I wont have a thai twin, no one to have supper with, no one to whine to, no one to buy me spicegirls postcards, no one to go checkers with.. many things. im glad i met 6! :)

What would you do if 20 and 9 date?
HAHAHA!! 20, no longer a goldstar? 9, you like what. HAHA.

Did you ever like 5?
Like in the likeylikey way? nooo. shes my good friend whom ive known since i was 8. i love!

Would 3 and 12 make a good couple?
Prolly not, but then again opposites attract. Weirder things have happened.. haha.

Describe 8:
Emo guy. Says the weirdest things. Calls me at 1130pm to go downstairs for a smoke. known for 8 years. gosh! oh yes, nice voice.. and can play the guit!

Do you think 13 is attractive?
haha yes. but its sucha wrong thing to say! my cousin leh.

Tell me something about 17:
my fav bro outta the 2 im stuck with :p a terribly fearless shopaholic with a great sense of style. Last seen, 11 months ago.

Do you know any of 4’s family members?
Yes, from her mom to her sis to her bro to her uncle to her aunty to her granny..... haha. we've gone clubbing with her mom even!

What’s 21’s favorite color?
Green? hazel tell me im right?

What would you do if 18 just confessed he/she liked you?
HAHAHA. wtf!

What language does 20 speak?
queer language lah!

Who is 9 going out with?
LOCK WHO ARE YOU GOING OUT WITH TONITE? he's out with a diff girl everynight. its really hard to keep track.

What does 16 do?
bumming. playing mj. ktv-ing. eating. eating. eating. wearing red shirt with a pair of red berms... yup!

When’s the last time you talked to 13?
does an sms count? monday!

What perfume does number 2 use?
she has the anna sui dolly, gucci rush 2, mcqueen, pleasure, esprit... am i right??

Would you ever date 7?
been there done that what, havent you seen the pictures?? =D haha.

Would you ever date 1?
well, our fav headofthesch said shes my IDOL..... and no i wont date 1. shes no longer queer!

Is 15 single?
nopeeeee. shes taken!

What is 19’s last name?
lim. in my phone, he put.. 'cain e man'

Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 11?
i adore my rockee, but no. :)

What school does 3 go to?
smps, smss, tp

Where does 10 live?
sunset!

What’s your favorite thing about 10?
easygoing!

Have you seen number 13 naked?
nah!

yes mdm, those tears werent wasted :)

i dont like to think of 'what-ifs'... its depressing.

my hair is long again!! i need a trim! dammit its been less than a month!

earlier on @ my sis's place...
*background, different r&b songs from the tele.

tash: "DADDDDYYYYYYY, can you buy us this cd??"
i turned around. it was the ad for the ULTIMATE R&B cd.... and my almost7yearold niece is asking for it................. wrong lah girl....

anyway was talking to my broinlaw & sis... suddenly he commented time really flies... the last time i checked, i was carrying tash in my arms... now i cannot even carry her!!! and everyone else in the extended family like my cousin's kids are so big now, i wont be surprised to see them in clubs in the next few years... gosh!!

plus, the last time i checked... i was this skinny girl who likes the spice girls. now as i am sitting here typing this, i still like the spice girls... but ive become this fat girl. :( time sure flies.......

i read out an entire newspaper article on the CRIKEY!! CROC HUNTER guy who died..... took me damn long to explain to the girls... but they got it in the end. i think they were more interested in the animals on the paper than the story! but owell i tried!

ive got a butterfly tattoo on my right arm now...... tash has a star... kai as a flower.. and yes, all on our right arm.... and before i left, tash tapped my tattoo and said 'BYEE LADYY' and im like.. ?????!!!!!! hahahha. and its damn hard to remove it!!! i just spent the last half an hour trying to get rid of it... but its stuck. agh, wonderink!

this was found on a starbucks cup. (not in sg, DUH!!)

do you think its a very selfish & self-centered thing to say?

are you a gold star??

KWON SANG W00 WAS IN SINGAPORE!!!!!! NOW THERE'S AN ORCHID NAMED AFTER HIM!!!!!!!!! DAMMIT.. I ONLY FOUND OUT THRU STOMP.COM.SG............. THERE GOES MY CHANCE OF BEING A GROUPIE... HE'S SO CUTE!!!!!!